


overwhelming, in a subtle kind of way

by pastel_x_tea



Category: Class of Cardinal Sin - Covey (Album)
Genre: (this whole story is just tragedy), Dialogue Heavy, Foreshadowing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Late Night Conversations, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Philosophy, Possibly Non Canon Compliant, Sad and Sweet, THE FIRST WORK EVER PUBLISHED FOR THIS FANDOM, Teen Romance, Tragedy, its an honor truly, rampant abuse of ellipses i'm sorry there's just so much silence and pausing in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28006884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_x_tea/pseuds/pastel_x_tea
Summary: In the cold, wee hours of the night, two boys sat holding hands under the cover of the darkness. They talked about fox cubs, coming out, a truly strange party, and all the intricacies of death. And then they parted ways.
Relationships: Harris Haggarty/Jamie Jones
Comments: 7
Kudos: 5





	overwhelming, in a subtle kind of way

In the cold, wee hours of the night, two boys sat holding hands under the cover of the darkness.

This was where they usually met. The very edge of town, with the seemingly endless sea sprawling in front of them, before it gave way to a clear, starry sky each night. The time wasn't unusual, either. When it was Harris's turn to close up at around midnight each night, instead of walking home, he would instead sneak down to the beach. Some nights were later than others; stocking the shelves, taking inventory, balancing the registers, or tidying up. But Jamie would wait. He had all the time in the world.

"The fox cubs are sick again."

"Hm?"

"The ones who got left in a box outside the shelter." Jamie sighed. "I thought they were going to make it, but they've started coming down with this... strange illness, one by one. And it's... you know, I try. I take care of them. But it's not... I mean, it'll always be so much harder for them. Without a mom."

Harris chuckled bitterly, looking out over the ocean. "Yeah, I'd know about that."

Jamie sputtered. "Oh, I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

The red demon burst out laughing again. The genuine, warm laugh that could light up a classroom. The one Jamie had fallen in love with, so recently and yet so long ago. "JJ, I'm just messin' with you! C'mon. You like my dead mom jokes."

Jamie found himself laughing along. "My mom _never_ knows what to do with you when you come over. She pretty much wants to adopt you, y'know."

"Well, that'd be a little awkward, wouldn't it?" 

"Mhm."

"So... have you told them? Or are we still 'lab partners'?"

"My parents? Yeah. I told them a while go. Couldn't keep it from them for that long, y'know. They wanted to know who was making me so happy, so... I told them." Jamie smiled. "Don't worry, they're good about this kind of thing. They're not gonna tell anyone else 'til I give them the okay."

Harris placed a gentle kiss on the top of Jamie's head. "Thanks. Seriously."

"'Course."

They scooted closer to one another, watching the waves roll in, one by one. They'd spent so many nights on this beach together. Some were spent smiling and laughing, watching funny videos together on their phones as they lay in the sand. Other nights, Harris would cry. Or Jamie would. Occasionally, both. They would hold each other close, soaking each other's shirts in salty tears, telling each other all of the troubles of being them. Sometimes, Harris would arrive to the beach exhausted from work, and school, and talking, and life. So he would sleep there, his head in Jamie's lap, and Jamie would hum and stroke Harris's horns until the sun broke the horizon.

But plenty of their time on the beach was spent in silence. Silence was a gift to them both.

It was Jamie who finally broke it.

"Have you been thinking a lot about it?"

"About us?"

"About death."

"I..." Harris shrugged. "What's a 'normal amount' to think about that kind of thing? What constitutes 'lots'?"

"I wish I knew." Jamie took Harris's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Do you worry about Suzie and Caleb, at least?"

"Of course I do. Everyone's worried about them. My dad and I just put up fliers in the shop."

"We did, too. In the shelter. Do you think it'll help?"

"... I guess we never really know if it helped until they turn up."

"They might not." Jamie squeezed Harris's hand tighter. "Have you thought of that? It's been more than 48 hours, and nobody's heard from them since that party. 48 hours... do you know how hard it is to find a missing teenager after 48 hours?"

"I'm trying not to think like that," Harris said. "It's hard enough here already."

Jamie didn't have to ask. He knew exactly what Harris meant. An underclassman, Sammy, had been murdered just recently as well. A death she didn't deserve. A death that, perhaps, nobody does. She'd died with her skin boiling, her airways tightening, at the hands of a callous man she'd met only a minute before. You didn't have to see her body to be horrified. And you didn't have to know her personally to feel the pain of her death. Jamie didn't. Not well. But Harris did.

The coffee stains still blotched the sidewalk.

"Do..." Jamie looked up to the stars, pondering how best to phrase a thought he couldn't quite put into words. "Do you ever think it would be easier if everything on Earth died at the same time?"

"What?" Harris looked over to him. "JJ, you're doing alright, aren't you?"

"No, yeah, of course! I'm not... I'm not going to do anything stupid to myself. You know that. It's just... this weird idea I've been thinking about lately. I wouldn't really call it a 'fantasy', just... something I think about."

"I want to hear it."

"What?"

"I want to hear about it." Harris squeezed Jamie's hand back, running his thumb over the other's palm. "Tell me. Please."

"Well..." Jamie thought for a long time before he continued. "... nobody would have to live without each other. There'd be no one-sided grief. And if we all knew it was coming, well..." He shrugged. "If the whole world knew they were going to die in five minutes... would they be kinder? Dance, and hold one another, and... and pop bottles, or whatever. Nothing would matter. Wouldn't that be... kind of beautiful?"

"I dunno." Harris shrugged. "I... I don't think I want to look at death like it's a _solution_ to anything. I mean, how do we know there's not just more problems waiting for us in the afterlife?"

"I'd like to think problems don't exist on the other side."

"I'd like to _think_ that too, but how do we _know_?" Harris sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Look, I'm sorry, I know I'm supposed to be... you know, positive, and whatever. Cheer people up. But it's... I wish I could be optimistic, at least. About death. But I can't." After a long silence, listening to the waves lapping at the shore, he continued. "It took my mom. It took Sammy... but it didn't take the man who killed her. It's always the innocent people taken in a car crash, and never the drunks behind the wheel. Children taken in ways too violent for them, far before their time. Those foxes' mother. What did the foxes do, Jamie? What did they do to deserve to lose their mom?"

The waves became the only noise once more. They didn't provide an answer.

"The foxes didn't do anything." Jamie leaned his head on Harris's shoulder. "Sammy didn't do anything. Nobody... nobody did anything to... _bring_ these things on themselves. It's just... the way things are."

"Is it the way things have to be?"

"I..." Jamie struggled for a bit, before giving a resigned sigh. "I don't have an answer. I wish I did. I wish I had something to give you. But I don't. And I don't know if anyone does."

"I'm sorry. If I ruined it. That... thing you think about."

"You don't ruin anything. I don't even think you're capable of ruining things."

"You give me way too much credit."

"No, I don't think so," Jamie remarked as he sat up again. "You can't ruin death. There's not a 'right' thing to think about it. It's... kind of weirdly nice. That there is no right and wrong. Until we get there, there's only what we believe in it. And I _try_ to believe good things happen when we die, but... sometimes I don't."

Silence.

"My dad..." Harris swallowed hard. "Um, my dad used to tell me that every time I saw a sunset, my mom had painted the sky for me. And I always believed him." He sighed. "I realized he just said it to make me feel better a long time ago. But sometimes I still look at the sky and think about her. Somewhere I can't reach, picking out all of the colors. But some days I just see a sunset." He paused. "... I don't know why I told you that."

"No, it... it makes sense. It makes perfect sense. You're trying to believe something good is happening out there. Something you can't... see, or sense, or know, but you can _feel_. But sometimes... it's too much, I guess. It's all too much, and there's too much... _shit_ in the world, and... you can't. And you just see a sunset."

"I..." Harris chuckled deeply. "That actually doesn't make _any_ sense, but I _get_ it."

Jamie laughed back, leaning in close to the demon. "Good, because I thought I was just losing it."

Harris pulled his boyfriend in even closer. "Maybe we are. Maybe we all are."

And the two kissed, and for a brief moment, neither life nor death, missing nor found, belief nor reality existed. It was just them, the sand, and the waves.

* * *

"Are we still on? For the concert?"

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it."

"Good. See you tomorrow."

"Well... wouldn't miss it _unless_..." Harris shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Um... unless I have to work late tomorrow."

"... well, then." Jamie smiled. "See you soon. Whenever 'soon' is."

Harris smiled back. "Yeah. I like that. See you soon."

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't believe I'm the first fic written for this, considering its incredible lore. It's so cool, because I've never been first at anything like that before. Obviously though all the congratulations go to Covey and this amazing world they've created. 
> 
> I probably put too many ideas in this fic. It was part vent fic, part total rambling on a page early in the morning. I just hope you enjoyed my take on the CCS, and I really can't wait for this album.


End file.
